Quite honestly, I feel like I've been all over the place - running with every emotion possible. I strive to be someone everybody can count on - stable. Lately, that has been a very difficult goal to achieve.When I began the 'Experiencing God' study with the women in our church a month and a half ago, I had no idea what I was about to 'experience'. Every day brings another amazing experience with God - and I couldn't be more grateful. Because my 'love relationship' with God is growing deeper and stronger everyday, I'm really beginning to understand Him better and hear and recognize His voice. The things He has been teaching me about Himself are changing my entire world view - and view of my God. He's also teaching me what His purposes and ways are, especially concerning me personally.
During my prayer time several days ago, the Lord made it abundantly clear to me that I need to be home with Evie, full-time. I've always 'wanted to want' to be a stay-at-home mom, but the desire was never as strong as I'd hoped it would be. Until now. The Lord has given me an extreme amount of joy and peace about putting my entire self into taking care of our home and Evie.
So, I've decided to put the nursing education on hold, until further notice from the Lord. I will complete this semester and then stop. I'm still dealing with some heartache having to wait on the nursing. The desire the Lord has given me to become a nurse is as strong as ever. However, I've decided to trust the Lord since I know it is Him who put the desire in me in the first place. I believe someday I will finish my nursing degree, but the timing is completely in the Lord's hands. I can always go and work towards my education, but Evie will only be at this stage in her life once, and I'm desperate to be more of a part of it.
We have also decided that, by giving up some 'stuff', we can make things work if I quit my job at the Flagstaff Athletic Club. So, most likely, I'll be at the athletic club only a couple more weeks - and I'm thankful. I'm very excited about not having to get up at 4 a.m. for work anymore. Plus, it will help Blake get the sleep he needs that he really hasn't been getting (He has to wake up when Evie does, after working graves, until I get home from work and/or class.). Overall, our lives are about to become much less stressful. Maybe I'll even get the opportunity to pick up a book and finish it. ;)
Hey Heather, just wanted to let you know that I'm proud of your decision! I believe the Bible is clear that mothers should be with their children and raise them, and while I haven't had to figure out what that will look like in a family of my own, I definitely believe that the ideal is to stay at home full time. I am sure that God will bless you both!
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