Shouts & Whispers

When I think of shouting, I cringe.

I hear Evie yelling at Jackson for kicking over her marvelous block tower she has just spent literally minutes building. A shiver runs through my body.

Jackson stands at my feet on his tiptoes, his arms stretched high, grasping at anything he can latch onto. He is pinching my legs through my jeans and stretching out my last un-stretched out shirt. He is screaming bloody murder because I cannot move quickly enough to feed this boy's bottomless pit. I feel extreme and unhealthy amounts of stress.

A couple on the tv is fighting. There is major confrontation and hurtful words are roared at each other. I feel myself flinch and look for a hiding spot.

Shouting is loud. It is obnoxious. It puts me on edge and it takes me awhile to calm down. It makes me uncomfortable.

Whispering is peaceful. It is calming.

I am feeling loved when someone special is leaning over and sharing a hushed message with me.  Simple harmony.

The library exudes tranquility as we walk quietly and talk softly, as does most everyone else. I can hear myself think.

. . .

Funny how I despise shouting and yet the way I desire God to speak to me is "LOUD and CLEAR".

Funny how I love whispering and yet when God whispers, I usually respond in frustration because I just cannot hear Him loud enough to be sure of what He is saying. I fear I might miss something important.

But He knows. He knows me. He knows exactly what I need to hear. He knows how loudly or softly I need to hear it. He knows all.

Today He whispered. It was faint, but I understood completely.

I had prayed about my frustrations with Evie that have escalated. I cried out to Him in desperation. I have felt as if nothing I say gets through to her. It goes right over her head and bounces away. I prayed, "When will this child get it? How many times do I repeat myself? All this work is exhausting and seemingly unfruitful."

He whispered: "You are My child."

I instantly thought: How many times has He spoken to me, loud and clear, and it went right over my head and bounced away? How many times has He repeated Himself, whether through the Bible, people in my life, or by speaking plainly to me?

I am 'exhausting and seemingly unfruitful' and I have had many more opportunities to 'get it' than my daughter of four plus years. I am His child and He continues to lead me, guide me... parent me. And He will not be giving up. Ever.

And I am sure of this, 

that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.
(Philippians 1:6 ESV)

This is my hope and prayer as a new attitude towards training up my precious Evie Grace (and Jackson) in the ways of the Lord. This love is unconditional and, though I will mess some things up inevitably, with His help I can keep on keepin' on with patience, endurance, joy... 

... and maybe even a few shouts and whispers along the way.

-Heather