The past year and a half - exactly - has been filled with every emotion under the sun. New experiences; some fun and exciting (Jackson joining our family, Portland adventures, and moments that blinked between the hardships), some were tear-jerking, soul-searching, and question-inducing (moving back to Arizona, my mom's fight with ulcerative colitis, Blake's joblessness for six months, our lack of a home/finances in which we have been living with Blake's parents for eight months, etc.).
God is here. He has been right here the whole time. And yet, I have felt anger, hopelessness, hurt... had a quitter's heart. He has been working me over, tearing out ugly chunks, repairing damages, and building a heart that cannot beat without His tender leading. He is the One - the only One - Who gets the praise, the glory!
I am learning to let go of the control I am so desperately gripping onto. I am learning to bury my idealist and perfectionist expectations. I am learning to love the present... and the people the Lord has blessed me with.
I have been longing and praying for more than stagnant. I finally have a desire do whatever it takes to be... more.
-Heather
=) I just smiled as I read this. I know it has been an incredibly tough season for your little family, and it may not even be over. But your perspective is so great, and so uplifting and encouraging to me. I really enjoyed reading this and hearing your heart as you admitted to the struggles but cling to the hope we have in Him. =) Good for you...Always here for you, sis.
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Hi Heather! I want you to know you are loved! I am so blessed by your feelings when all we need to do is trust the Lord, and is it so hard, well if we want our way it is!!! We go the road He has for us. Wow! How blind we are to this special calling, too. I suppose all the men and women o f God feel our struggles too,"if only we had waited on the Lord, how then would my life have looked?" And that can be a good way to evaluate where our heart is at, looking to Jesus, we cannot despair! Love you, Andrea
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